Finding Your People

I have never been fully accepted into the tightknit community I was born into. Once an outsider, always an outsider. This used to really bother me, especially when growing up. It was hard to understand as a teenager and left me feeling like there was actually something wrong with me. In actual fact, it was the people who’s culture and land I was parachuted into who had the issue, not me. Yes, we looked alike and spoke the same language. We would all be considered protestants too. But I was not related, I went to the wrong church and had the wrong last name. This continued into my adult years and I would often find myself on the outside peering in.

Fast forward 20 years. I no longer care. Not only that, but I am thankful that I was not assimilated.

My true friends, those who are part of my inner circle, are a loosely associated group of like minded people and families. Some are from the local community, but many are not. I consider these people ‘my people.’ What makes them so?

As I think about this, I realize that I don’t have a common heritage with many of them. I don’t even share the same Christian systems. Some live close, others up to a couple hours away. Most are younger than we are.

What draws us together?

• We all have families.
• Every one of us marches to our own beat. We are not pulled by the desire to fit in, or please others. We are the exact opposite of The Borg … we are not assimilated.
• Thinking systems. This one is harder to put into words. We all operate our lives and families in an analytical, almost regimented way. Feelings and the wishy washy decisions that come from operating on feels are just not found among us.
• Intelligence/IQ. I’m willing to bet that most of the adults are on the higher IQ end of the scale. They tend to see through organized systems and people who are draining very quickly. (Interesting … just kinda realized this one as I was writing.)
• We all homeschool.
• Most (I think all) run our own companies. A few wives and several of our kids have conventional jobs, but most have a family industry

As I think more though this group of ‘my people,’ its more like we are a loose association of city-states or mini empires. Each are running our own little country. We are not marching in lock-step with anyone. I don’t consider any of them part of my family empire nor do any of them consider me part of theirs. We share a few resources, but mostly what we share is knowledge. I learn what has worked in their empire and they in turn learn from what they see me doing. It’s symbiotic.

The drive to be a part of a whole seems to be strong in many people. Indeed, my desire to be accepted by the community I grew up in is testimony to that. There is comfort in the herd. But is it the best option for you and your family? Will the herd you choose protect you when the storm comes? Or will they all fly apart leaving the weak and vulnerable to be consumed? Counties are breaking up. The wolves who have been allowed to run wild in the herd are consuming us from within. We must resist the urge to try to hold the whole together. That experiment is done. Instead:

Build your own people = family. Associate with other likeminded families. Understand that you and yours will ultimately be your own responsibility.