Slow Change vs Rapid Change. Which is Better?

Originally published on September 12, 2024.
Last Updated on September 15, 2024.

Conventional ‘self-help’ wisdom says that slow incremental change is best. “When you let change come slowly, it’s more likely to stick” or “it’s easy by the inch, but hard by the yard. Sometimes slow is the way to go, with small and sure incremental steps, and you’ll still get there.”  I no longer believe this is how change happens.  In fact, many of the greatest changes in our lives were made in an instant of time.

• You asked her to marry you.
• You chose a family over a career.
• You said ‘no.’ 

These examples show extreme life altering change, literally opposite direction stuff, that happened instantly with no sign of the slow, plodding, ‘deliberate’ change that is so often the message of the self-help ‘gurus.’ What do these changes have in common?

They all start with a decision. 

Once the decision is made, the change happens.  It might be a small change like going to bed at a reasonable hour (ya, one of those people,) or it might be a massive, life altering change like going into the bosses office tomorrow and quitting your job.  Either way, the change was rapid, and started with a decision. 

It does not seem to matter if the change in you life is big or small, it always starts with the decision.  If this is the case, why not use the leverage of the decision to do something big instead of tiny or incremental?  Make one big decision instead of a bunch of little ones.  To add to the power of the decision, try to find a ‘go big or go home’ decision.  Try to find a way to frame the decision so that it fundamentally changes who you are.  Make that decision your ‘finding God’ moment.  

Let’s look at an example.

Why ‘decide’ to floss one tooth a day (I think I read that in a ‘habits’ book once) when, with the exact same decision, you can decide that you are now a capital F, Flosser!  You never miss flossing and you are gonna be one of those REALLY irritating people who flosses 2x a day … forever! Same decision process, different result.

I know what ‘they’ will say though: if you start with one tooth you’ll just end up doing them all anyway, and it’s less ‘daunting.’  And, ‘you are more likely to follow through if you know you just have to floss one tooth instead of the whole mouthful.’  But let me ask you this: if your commitment to change is really that small, how strong is your decision to change?  How much resolve do you have behind that decision?  If you get up late for work, what gets left out or forgotten as you rush around = it’s that one tooth decision, because, well … it’s just one tooth anyway and I forgot. No big deal.  If you decide you are a Flosser, it doesn’t matter how late you are, you’ll floss the whole mouthful because that is who you are.  

Now lets really blow this thing up.  

What would happen if you piled a bunch of ‘go big or go home’ changes into one decision.  So, using the power of that one decision you stack the changes into one massive ‘who was that masked man’ change. 

Back to the Flosser.  Why stop at great teeth?  Why not be a stylish dresser … with great hair … and shoes, great shoes.  I’m sure you know somebody like this: never a hair out of place, a bright white smile and always dressed well, even when dressing down.  I don’t know what term you might use for that person, but fundamentally that is who they are.  You just never see them a mess or sloppy.  100% style.  You might find this example silly because it doesn’t apply to you, or maybe you already are that person, but the point is that small habit changes are not going to get you to this person. ‘One tooth, once a day for 21 days and it will be a new habit’ … ya right. Better to decide to change it ALL (with the same decision) and then work on the follow-through and habits.

OK.  Lets look at this ‘decision to change’ from another perspective.  Allan Carr has written multiple books about the psychology of quitting addictions (primarily smoking, but applied to other areas of life.)  The basic premise of his method is:

• Don’t focus on the negative aspects of your behaviour, in fact don’t think about them at all anymore.
• Do focus on the positives of your new behaviour and how they make you feel.
• Announce to yourself (and the world) what you are.  ie. ‘I’m a non-smoker’ or ‘I don’t drink’ … not, ‘I quit smoking and it’s really hard,’ or ‘I quit drinking but I could really use a drink right now.’  See the difference?
• Tell yourself what you are, not what you miss and your brain will believe you.  (Ya, weird human tricks, but it seems to work!)

Along the same lines, there is a great explanation about back pain (and other sorts of physiological pain) written by